This Ain't No Place for a Hero
by eastWOLF
Summary: AU to "Smoked" what if Fin was the one to kill Jenna Fox but Elliot was caught in the crossfire trying to protect Olivia? In an instant everything went wrong and changed his life forever. After serving 19 years with the NYPD and everything he has been through it only took one shot to paralyze him for the rest of his life. Elliot is now wheelchair bound but will he stay with SVU?
1. Prelude to the Nightmare

This Ain't No Place for a Hero

**Disclaimer: I do not own Law & Order: SVU, all rights belong to Dick Wolf and NBC Universal.**

**Author's Note: A couple of nights ago I was re-watching "Smoked" and I thought what if everything went different and Elliot stayed with SVU? I honestly don't like that episode and I think Elliot should have gotten a proper sendoff and not the bullshit of him just leaving without telling anybody face-to-face. Anyway here's a new story hope you guys like it. Enjoy!**

**There will be thought fragments from different characters throughout the story (like this short chapter).**

* * *

Chapter 1: Prelude to the Nightmare

_I had the smoking gun and I was the one to put an end to the madness, but I was just a few seconds late. I hesitated and hoped she would stop shooting but that wasn't the case. She shot those 3 scumbags and then opened fire on the squad room, she killed Sister Peg and was aiming for Olivia but Elliot shielded her. I had to stop her and I took the shot but before that she had fired off one last bullet and it hit Elliot. In an instant he was down and she was dead, I killed that girl. Jenna Fox went from being the victim to the perp and was now laying a pool of her own blood._

_I stood there uneasy for a moment realizing what I've done. I took this young girl's life and after everything she went through she didn't deserve that. Suddenly I was taken out of my own condemnation when I heard Olivia screaming, I turned and my heart just sunk; Elliot was lying on the ground barley breathing. I ran over to them and helped Olivia to save him. There were tears running down her cheek as she just kept repeating the phrase "Elliot stay with me!" _

_The EMTs couldn't have come fast enough and took Elliot to the ambulance. He was in the most pain I have ever seen him but at least he was still with us. Liv and I rode along with them still covered in Elliot's blood but that didn't matter, we were going to be there for him. Once we were at the hospital they rushed him to the emergency room and all we could do was wait. This was a day that changed our lives and none of us would ever forget it._


	2. Guilt Trip

Chapter 2: Guilt Trip

_I thought calling her to the squad room to see those 3 idiots in custody would give her some closure but it just set her off. It all happened so fast as she pulled out a handgun and opened fire on them and then us. I was left vulnerable when I tried to help Sister Peg, Jenna pointed her gun at me and I was like a deer in headlights. Elliot swooped in and shielded me, his body covered mine and I couldn't see what was going on all I heard was Fin yelling. I then heard two gun shots and a pain filled groan coming from Elliot. His grip on me loosened and he started to become (for lack of a better term) deadweight. I moved him and saw he'd been shot; there was blood spewing from his back and he laid there limp. I freaked and tried to help him the best that I could, I couldn't let him die! I was so focused on him that I didn't realize that Jenna had been killed. Tears formed in my eyes and I just kept pleading for Elliot to stay with me; he saved me and I was going to stay by his side. I rode in the ambulance along with Fin and followed until they got him to the ER. _

_There were long hours of waiting, crying, frustration and confusion. The rest of the squad showed up and was just as worried; El's family also came but they separated themselves FAR away from us, none of them looked us in the eyes and I couldn't blame them. Elliot is our teammate, he's my partner and none of us were quick enough to protect him. Unfortunately, things got worse when the light above the emergency room went out and the doctor came to inform everyone on Elliot's status. _


	3. The Realization

Chapter 3: The Realization

_*Beep, beep*_

_...Great, I know what that sound means, I'm in the hospital. It's never a good thing but at least I can say that I'm alive. Olivia and the others must be worried, I hope she's okay. God, Kathy is going to kill me! I make her and the kids scared every time I take a new case; I don't know how much they can take._

* * *

The steady sounds of the heart monitor continued to fill the room, other than that it was just silence. Elliot's family sat on one side and Olivia sat on the other, none of them made eye contact and just patiently waited. After his surgery Elliot had been given a heavy sedative to ease the pain and he's been asleep for three days. In that time the squad came to visit wishing him the best and leaving sentimental cards and gifts.

"…ugh…" Elliot started. "…Ugh…"

Olivia and Kathy looked at each other and then to Elliot, they both were by his side as he started to stir.

"Elliot?" Kathy asked softly.

He slowly opened his eyes and they fluttered for a few seconds. Everything was blurry for a while before coming into focus; he saw Olivia, Kathy and his kids all with looks of concern. "Hey guys…daddy's a little dizzy but I'll be fine." He looked over to Kathy. "I'm sorry I made you guys worry."

Kathy put her hand in his. "You're safe now."

He flashed a smiled at her and then looked at Olivia. "Liv did I…?"

"You saved me El and I'm so grateful," she gave him a sad smile. "We're glad you're here."

Olivia moved to the side and so his kids could talk to him.

"Dad," Maureen said weakly. "We were scared; we've been waiting for you to wake up for three days."

"Well I'm up now," he tried to ease their fears. "Guys come give me a hug." Elliot tried to pull himself up but realized something felt off, his legs were limp. "…They must've really put me under I can't feel my legs."

Everybody looked away hesitantly.

He looked at them confused before the realization hit him. "No…it can't be…" he tried moving his legs again but he couldn't. "I'm paralyzed?" he couldn't believe himself. "I'm paralyzed?!"

"From the waist down," Kathy said.

"Oh my god," Elliot had a blank stare; he couldn't believe what they were saying. "I'm paralyzed…I can't walk…" he pulled off the covers and saw he was only wearing a hospital gown. He just stared at his legs and tried to will them to work. Tears started to form down his cheek and he clenched his fist.

"Elliot I'm…"

"Just go!" he yelled. "Get out! Everyone just leave!" it was hard for him to hold back his tears. "P-please…"

Olivia wanted to cry as well, he was hurting and she felt it was her fault. The bile in her mouth was building up and she swallowed hard, she didn't want to leave but her feet moved her towards the door. Kathy knew her husband was hurting and he needed time to let this all sink in so she directed the kids towards the door and also left. Once the door was closed and he knew his family had walked away Elliot let his pain and frustration. His crying turned into anger and he screamed at the top of his lungs.

From the hallway Olivia could hear him and she started to cry. Cragen saw her and he and the others walked towards her.

"Olivia," Cragen caught her as she almost fell over. She cried in his arms and he embraced her.

"H-he's a-awake…but he's angry." She sobbed.

Fin stood behind not wanting to look at the pain he caused, he was still blaming himself for this. He didn't have anything to say he was too upset and just watched as doctors rushed pass and into Elliot's room.

He and Munch watched as doctors fought Elliot, he kept yelling and trying to punch at them. One doctor had a needle in his hand trying to keep Elliot still and sedate him. One of the nurses went to close the door so the detectives couldn't see what was going on.

"I think it be best if you all leave, Mr. Stabler needs to calm down and will be sedated for a few hours."

They watched through the window seeing Elliot still try and fight against the sedative.

"I can't watch this anymore," Fin stated and then he walked away.

Munch turned and watched his partner leave still torn up over this.


	4. His Fault

Chapter 4: His Fault

_I should have been faster, I should have been faster! I kept repeated that to myself over and over but nothing is going to change. These last three days have been hell, the doctors told us Elliot was paralyzed and he'll never walk again, clean up at the squad room was miserable and IAB has been up my ass. I didn't help anybody in this situation and I will always have blood on my hands._

* * *

Fin sat at the bar with a bottle of Jack Daniels in front of him. He had this down trotted look on his face still thinking about everything that happen. When Elliot woke up he could hear his screams of anger, of course he wasn't going to take the news well and Fin didn't want to cause more pain so he left. While taking a swig of his drink Fin's cell phone vibrated, he didn't even pick it up because he knew who it was and didn't feel like talking. As the phone stopped vibrating the door to the bar opened and in walked John Munch.

"A bar, really?" Munch started as he walked over to his partner. "How cliché."

Fin didn't look at Munch and took a sip of his drink.

"You came here to drown your sorrows, I get that but you could've at least told me."

Fin still didn't look at him.

"Could you at least have some courtesy and acknowledge me?" Munch was getting at little frustrated.

"Fuck off Munch,"

"You know I didn't have to come here and look for you,"

"Well you did," Fin shot back. "You want a prize or something?"

"No, I wanted to check on you." Munch sat at the barstool next to Fin. He motioned for the bartender to pass him a glass.

"I'm here and alive, what more do you want?"

"How are you emotionally?"

"What are you my therapist now?"

"Last time I checked I'm still your partner," Munch grabbed the whiskey bottle and poured himself a drink. "And we're just having a conversation over drinks."

"Who said you could have some of my whiskey?"

Munch ignored his question and took a sip of his drink. "You know it's not your fault right? None of us knew she was going to come back with a gun and start shooting. She was the one to pull the trigger on Elliot not you.

Fin finally had enough; he put his drink down and looked at John. "I pulled the trigger too but mines wasn't fast enough. I have to live with this guilt for the rest of my life! Even if you say Elliot being paralyzed wasn't my fault I still shot a kid! She wasn't an undeserving piece of crap; she was a girl who saw her mom murdered right before her eyes."

Fin stared back at his drink and for a while they were both silent.

"I think I'm going to put in my papers." He sighed.

"Fin…" John started. "I know you don't want to hear it, but it was a good shooting. You gave Jenna the chance to put the gun down, you had to stop her."

"Sure…"

Fin pulled out his wallet and paid for his drinks, he then got up to leave. Munch did the same and followed his partner.

"Stop following me!" Fin complained.

"I'm making sure you're not going to do anything stupid."

"I'm going home; I have to talk to IAB in the morning."

"So you're giving up?"

Fin turned around and got in Munch's face. "Look I'm just sick of it okay!? I'm burnt out I can't deal with it anymore! Start looking for a new partner 'cause I'm done!"

Fin didn't expect what was coming next; when he tried to turn around Munch grabbed his shoulder, pulled him in and punched him in eye. It look like it did damage to both of them, more so to Fin. He was hunched over and holding his left eye.

"What the fuck is wrong with you!?"

"Me!?" Munch shot back as he was holding his fist in pain regretting what he just did. "I'm not the one wallowing in his own self-pity and is about to leave the job!"

Fin was in a lot of pain and thought about tackling Munch to the ground and beating the crap outta him, but what good would that do?

"Think about all the people you do save, think about us your friends, and think about Elliot." Munch's knuckles were sore and red. "Unless you have a time machine I don't know about you can't change the past. Unfortunately this happened but you have to move forward. Don't leave us out to dry, we can't lose two detectives."

Fin was huffing mad and just looked at the older man.

"At least talk to Elliot before you make your decision." That was the last thing Munch said before he turned and walked away.

Fin stood there for a minute before walking the opposite way still holding his eye.


	5. What Do You Want to Do With Your Life?

Chapter 5: What Do You Want to Do With Your Life?

_It's like I'm in a nightmare and I can't wake up. I still don't want to believe that I'm paralyzed but every time I look at my legs they don't move and I have no feeling. Waking up and seeing the sadness and misery etched on everyone's faces hurt me. I didn't exactly help by yelling and making them leave. I was angry when they put me under again but when I woke up I cried. I'm not too proud to admit I cried when the doctors explained what happen and I kept crying just thinking about my life from now on._

* * *

It was a sunny morning; Elliot's hospital room had a nice window view of the city. He had been awake for a while and just stared outside wishing he could be there. He sighed and couldn't take it anymore; he pulled off his covers and looked at his legs. He touched them but felt nothing; it was as if they weren't even a part of his body. Before he did anything else he heard a knock on his door and in walked a nurse.

"Good morning Mr. Stabler," the young nurse had a food tray.

"It's_ Detective_ Stabler," Elliot responded strictly.

"Sorry," she apologized. "Detective Stabler I brought your breakfast." She sat it down on the table next to him.

"Thank you," he said, but he didn't feel like eating.

"If there's anything else you need just hit the help button." She then left.

* * *

The nurse had left Elliot to his own devices and went to the nurse's station. Just then Fin had gotten off the elevator and went to talk to her.

"Can I help you?"

"I'm Detective Tutuola; I'm here to see Elliot Stabler." Fin said.

"He's awake, I just gave him his breakfast but he could use the company." She told him.

"Thanks," he said and made his way down the hall.

When he got to the door Fin just stood there, he was still hesitant about visiting him but knocked on the door anyway. He waited a few seconds before Elliot responded and he opened the door slowly. He walked in and saw him watching TV. "Hey Elliot," his voice was somber.

"Hi," he turned off his TV and focused his attention to the other detective. "You got all dressed up to see me?" He was referring to the black business suit Fin was wearing.

"I had to see IAB before I came here."

"Oh..." Elliot was trying to find something to talk about. "How did you get that black eye?"

Fin rubbed the back of his head. "I hit an old door last night, it's nothing."

"Okay," Elliot knew he wasn't clumsy but didn't want to stress the issue. "Want to sit?" He asked since Fin was still standing in the doorway.

"Thanks," he sat down besides Elliot's bed. "Cap gave me the rest of the week off so I can stay as long as you want me to."

There was silence for a while before Elliot spoke up. "Fin, I don't blame you for what happened."

"What?"

"Don't beat yourself up over this." Elliot looked him in the eyes. "You did what you had to do."

"People keep telling me that, I still think there could have been another way." He looked at the ground. "People have a tendency to get hurt around me."

"Fin," Elliot got his attention again. "Liv is safe and I'm not dead."

"But you can't…" he didn't want to finish the sentence.

"Walk?" Elliot finished. It hurt him just to say the word, but it was true. "I know…" he looked away and out the window instead. "I'll never get use to this and I have a long road to recovery, mentally and physically." He paused. "I'm not going to lie, when they first told me that I was paralyzed I had misplaced anger on you. I thought why wasn't he faster? And then I realized you weren't the one who shot me and you did the thing that would have driven me to insanity. I would quit, put in my papers and put SVU behind me. I'm not saying you're heartless but I could see you keep pushing on pass this." He slightly looked over his shoulder. "You said you had a meeting with IAB this morning; did you put in your papers?"

"No, I didn't," Fin answered. "But I was thinking about it. I thought I couldn't do this anymore but now I know I can go for a few more years so this doesn't happen again. I'm still sorry for all this."

"I've been hearing that ever since I woke up." Elliot noted. "Early this morning the Mayor and the Police Commissioner came and shook my hand and thanked me for my service. I told them I wasn't done yet, I'm staying with SVU."

"How are you going to do that?"

"It's not going to be easy and it's going to take a while before I come back to work, but it's what I want. On Monday they're moving me to a rehab center closer to my house, I didn't know there was so much stuff I have to relearn." He looked away again. "I can't go to the bathroom by myself; I need to see a neurologist, a psychologists, therapists and social workers. I'm worried about how Kathy and the kids are taking this…I'll never be able to dance at my girls' weddings, run with my sons…" he stopped. Small tears swelled up in his eyes.

"Do you need some time Elliot?" Fin asked. He couldn't see his face but he knew he was hurting.

"I'm going to need a minute, but you could stay."

Fin put his arm on his shoulder. "Elliot I'm here for you, we all are."

It was a while before Elliot got himself together and wiped the tears from his face. "I don't want this day to be all depressing, can you pass me those cards." He asked about the items friends and family left for him while he was in surgery. "I never got a chance to read them."

Fin passed them to him.

"Thanks," there were a lot of cards. "Those flowers are pretty nice by the way."

"I brought the red roses a couple of days ago." Fin noted. "Liv brought the blue ones, thought they help make you feel better."

"They do,"

Fin stayed by Elliot's side for most of the day and they talked.

* * *

**Author's Note:** **I thought this heart to heart between Elliot and Fin would be a good chapter, Elliot's still hurting but I don't think he would blame Fin in all honesty. They have respect for each other and would watch each other's back as teammates. Hope everyone liked the chapter and please review!**


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